this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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