My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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