the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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