my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You need a sexual gate keeper
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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