I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
MIDGETS
????
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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