I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
