A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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