i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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