hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
