i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
You're a waste of cheezeits
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
