as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
