I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
