I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
