Banned from zoo.
Again?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
