Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
