totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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