i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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