well you can't waste a boner
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
