Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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