Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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