So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
