why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
