So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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