hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
