end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
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The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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