I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
