It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Terrible idea I love it
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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