its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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