dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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