I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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