I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
