I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
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making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
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His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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