my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
