I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
