so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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