just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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