Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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