I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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