you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
