i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
