Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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