so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
