i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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