There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
