dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
