Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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