By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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