Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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