eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
