Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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