Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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