Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
You don't make any sense
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