the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
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I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
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I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
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