i already hear my dad disowning me
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
