pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Randomize
