There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
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