I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
