just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
