he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
And then my night got REAL pukey
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
