he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
That accounts for only three of the penises
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
