note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize