I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
