Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize