he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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