He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
