I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm getting married
To pizza
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
