either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
