There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
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There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
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Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
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