I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
