i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
