White coat. Heels.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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