How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
